Time To Break The Taboo About Pregnancy And Infant Losses
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It is time to break the taboo about pregnancy and infant losses because too many families grieve in silence.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. October 15th is a day when we remember the babies gone too soon.
1 out of 4 experienced miscarriages, stillbirths, and infant losses.
My first one was the one that would’ve made me a mother. I only knew of the pregnancy two short days before I miscarried.
It affected us deeply even though the pregnancy wasn’t planned. We wanted that baby and we were ready the minute the pregnancy test turned positive.
At that time, I felt alone…
I did not know many people who experienced miscarriages so I held it all in. Shame came over me and I felt like it was my fault somehow.
I became pregnant again only one month after the miscarriage. The miscarriage affected my pregnancy with Coral because I had never recovered from the grief. I was preparing myself for the worst to happen. Even after giving birth, I knew something bad was going to happen to my baby. I ended up with postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety.
Suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety was rough because just like pregnancy and infant losses…
PPD and PPA weren’t talked about often.
Fast forward, my daughter is now 6 years old and she is perfect, healthy and happy.
I got pregnant again and it was rough.
With this one, I was extremely ill from the beginning until 14 weeks. I barely ate, threw up constantly, and was in a fog the entire time.
I came to find out that the baby passed on when I was around 12 weeks along. At 14 weeks along, the miscarriage finally happened.
It was a bad idea…
I ended up hemorrhaging and had to go to the ER to get a D/C.
I had a partial mole pregnancy which means I was also growing abnormal cells alongside the baby.
It was growing and getting stronger and the baby couldn’t compete with that. I wasn’t allowed to get pregnant for a year afterward. I had to do weekly blood draws for six months then monthly blood draws for another six months to make sure that the tumor did not come back and become cancerous. It was all clear.
During my journey, I learned that I was 1 in 4…
A year after the partial mole pregnancy, I got pregnant with Ocean.
This time around I embraced the pregnancy because I grieved properly. I talked about my anxiety, shared my worries with loved ones, gave myself time to heal and did plenty of self-care. I knew that it was common and that I will not deal with anything alone any longer.
No postpartum depression/anxiety this time around either even after life-changing experiences during the pregnancy and postpartum including the stress from selling a house, having to evacuate our temporary home during Hurricane Irma, living in a tiny trailer postpartum, a bad car accident that caused a broken collarbone and bruised ribs, dealing with mastitis, etc.
My son is now 2 years old and he is worth all the trouble that year!
Grieving pregnancy and infant losses shouldn’t be a silent and lonely journey.
If you know someone who had experienced this, please let them know they are not alone.
Ask them how you could honor and celebrate their babies. Say their babies’ names and do something as a remembrance.
Ask them how old would their babies be now… trust me, they will know.
The more we talk about it, the more other people will know they are not alone and shouldn’t feel like their babies didn’t matter.
If you are 1 in 4…
Your babies matter, they are so much loved and THEY EXIST even just briefly.
I know you want THAT baby just like I did.
I know you are not just grieving for the baby you lost, you are also grieving about the entire life you had planned and envisioned for them.
We will remember all the babies lost too soon and always wonder who they would have been.
You will always have my support. Reach out if you need to. Seek support from loved ones and share your story whenever possible. Don’t be ashamed of your story.
From those losses came my beautiful rainbow babies.
I have two rainbow babies.
What does a rainbow baby mean?
A rainbow baby is a baby born after a loss due to miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss. It is a symbol of the rainbow after a storm.
Are you 1 in 4? Do you have rainbow babies? Help break the taboo by breaking your silence. Share your stories! <3